Miscellaneous - A Tad NSFW

There are tons of little things I've wanted to draw comics about, but since none of them were long enough I decided to throw them together into one big post.  I may or may not use colours, depends on how hard it would be to read them. Nope.

The Weirdest Dream I Had This Year

I say "this year" because I'm notorious for ridiculous dreams.  This one's just the most recent, plus if features my good friend D.J.Dent!

 

I don't remember what happened after that, just that for the rest of the dream D.J. walked around with the stapler on her face.

A Home Made Porn Flick

Only not really because it's a comic, not a movie.

Recently I paid a visit to my good friend, Lauren, whose dog decided it would be a really good idea to evacuate every ounce of poop from her bowels onto the carpet.  I have never seen so much poop in my entire life.  Being the sweet person she is and wary of my dog allergies, Lauren scrubbed the shit out of that floor (hurrr).  I went into the kitchen to find a cup for some water, but all of the cups, among other things, had mysteriously disappeared when Jamie's ex-girlfriend moved out (like the sugar, for some reason).

Eventually, Jamie offered me a Martini glass.  I filled it up and turned around to find Lauren's ass just starting me in the face.  I looked at my martini glass, the way I was standing, and then back to her on the floor and laughed.

 (I  had to cut and paste those panels, I drew them in the wrong order for some reason.  That's why the margins are off.)

"What are you laughing at?"  Lauren asked.

"Your ass, " I replied.  "This looks like the opening of a bad porno."

After that we made porno jokes back and forth until we found something else to do (rearrange the entire apartment).  However, my mind was still trying to put together a terrible porno based off of the previous event.  This was the result (possibly NSFW):

(Y U NO RIGHT SIZE)

Now, I find porn too hilarious to seriously watch it, so I'm not too sure if that's on the nail or not.  My guess is yes.  Now all I need to do is get into the porn directing business and make a killing. 

Softcore Porn

Again, porn is ridiculously hilarious.  I find sex funny in general, but when people do it on camera and fake the most ridiculous noises it's even better.  Though, some of the funniest porn is actually softcore.  I mean, think about it.  What's more absurd, a librarian dressed like a slut in glasses or dressing a girl like a slut and thinking that glasses suddenly make her look like a librarian?  What about teachers?  Ever meet a hot teacher?  Ever meet a hot teacher who dressed like the girl in the back of class who has self esteem issue and thinks short skirts make everything better?

My favorite softcore situation is the "just woke up" sexy scene.  Not sex, just sexy.  You know, the tousled hair, the see through nightie, that whole thing.  What's so funny about this?  Basically, the fact that waking up in the morning is absolutely nothing like that.

There is nothing sexy about morning breath, eye crusties and bedhead.  I don't know if just me, my long hair, Spencer and his curly hair, but bedhead is basically a giant rats nest that encases your entire head.  Definitely sexy, amirite?

I thought I'd draw a couple different versions of me and Spencer in the morning.  One "softcore" and the other reality.

(I scan like a champ.)

I seriously doubt I'm the only one that wakes up like that.

I understand that softcore porn is more about a fantasy, and fantasies are always ridiculous to everyone but the fantasizer, but the sexy wake up is just preposterous.  Nobody wakes up sexy, and nobody ever will.  I damn near kill Spencer with my morning breath every morning when he leans in to kiss me goodbye and his bed-beard will never cease to amaze me (it's like bedhead for your beard).

Video Games (again)

I say some funny stuff when I play video games.  What's even better is that I imagine the character in the game saying what I am.  I even do this when Spencer plays video games, and he finds it just as hilarious as I do.  I shouted something once that had Spencer and I laughing for a few hours.  It was ridiculous.  At one point I stopped breathing.

I'm very bad at video games.  I love to play them and will do so for hours, I'm just horrible at them.  Because of this, I'm a tad picky about  what games I play and why I play them.  I figure if I'm going to be pulling my hair out because of a video game it might as well be worth it.

That's basically it.  If I can be gay, I'm sold.