Feesh

This one's huge, and completely drawn!  If you can't read anything, click the panel to enlarge it :)

 

 

 

 I should add, before I went up to see Bill I asked, "Is Bill naked?" and everyone said no.

My little sister is hilarious.

            I would first like to apologize for not updating last Sunday.  I had a super, super busy week full of lots of work hours and lots of sleep.  Hopefully this post will make up for it :D

            I called my little sister yesterday and confided in her that I didn’t really have anything to write about today.  She suggested the same thing she always suggests and then proceeded to tell me a rather hilarious story of her own.  Suddenly, it occurred to me that I could combine the two into one awesome post all about my bebe seestur.

Amber is absolutely hilarious.  Every story she tells me has me rolling on the floor busting my gut with genuine laughter.  Though, that seems more dangerous that hilarious. . .we’ll say she’s dangerously hilarious.

Sometime during the summer I answered my phone to be greeted by my already laughing sister.  Once she had calmed down, I asked her what was so funny.  She said, “You are not going to believe this. . .” and I knew I would have sore sides after she was done.

Apparently, my mom had bought some delicious, gourmet, chocolate flavoured instant coffee and neglected to tell Amber about it.  When Amber discovered it in the kitchen she read the “chocolate” part of the label, but not the “coffee” part.  She ended up partaking in the “hot chocolate” a lot that day.  So much, in fact, that by bedtime she was bouncing off the walls, shaking violently and in no way ready for bed.  She stayed up all night and played RuneScape.

 

She was still playing RuneScape when morning came and was so aggravated by her inability to sleep that she went into the kitchen and made herself another mug of hot chocolate.  

The day continued with no sleep and lots of hot chocolate, so naturally she was unable to sleep for yet another night.

Finally, on the third day of extreme lack of sleep, she crashed and slept for a million years.  

She woke up extremely bewildered and unsure of what had happened, so she figured a cup of hot chocolate would clear her thoughts.  However, this time she decided to read the label more carefully since it was the only thing she had done differently in the past couple of days. 

Then, upon discovering that she had been injecting herself with copious amounts of caffeine for the past two days, she burst out laughing and called me.

Another fantastic thing about my sister is that she has the inability to identify animals from a moving vehicle.  It’s hilarious, because half the time we have no earthly idea what she’s talking about.

 

The kangaroo one is my favorite.  It's not everyday you see a dead kangaroo on the side of the road in the southeastern united states.

My sister is also extremely tall.  I’ll wrap up this post with a size chart comparing me, my sister, my dad and my boyfriend.

            I'm not even all that short.  I'm pretty tall myself :I

And yes, this post was super all over the place.  I just kinda felt like putting as much stuff in here as possible to make up for not updating last Sunday :D  HOORAY FOR SLOPPY OVERACHIEVEMENT. 

My Mom is a Witch

            Life is full of some of the most magical coincidences.  There are plenty of people out there that don’t believe in such things and plenty of people who just don’t care.  However, there are events so fantastic that the only other explanation besides coincidence is that someone up there has the best sense of humor.  I’d put my money on a little of both.

            I myself believe that coincidences are some form of divine tomfoolery simply because it’s funnier.  In fact, I can recall a story where my mother experienced such an incredible coincidence that to an outside party she appeared to have some form of deity on her side.

            Several years ago when I was a tyke and lived in this house the first time (long story) we lived in an era of constant church badgering.  What I mean by this is at least once a week a couple of sensibly dressed men would ring our doorbell and ask us if we would like to hear about the lord.

            Being a generally pleasant woman my mom would usually politely tell them she was already a Christian and thank them for their time.  They were lucky she always got to the door before I did because even as a child I was quite devious and would’ve much rather terrified them beyond belief (or so my tiny mind thought).

 

            See, I don’t even know if that’s physically possible, but I wanted to do it and my mom never let me.  Not only that, but she actually managed to thwart my plans of ever doing it in the future.  How this happened was either coincidence, divine intervention, magic or a combination of the three.

            Again, several years ago, it was extremely stormy outside and I was forced to play inside to avoid all of the horrendous things that might happen to me if I were to leave the house.  We were all piddling around trying to avoid the rainy-day-blahs when the doorbell rang and everyone in the house stared at the door in disbelief.  There was thunder loud enough to shake the house and people were outside?!  My mom slowly opened the door.

            Standing there with umbrellas instead of bibles was a pair of sensibly dressed men wanting to talk to us about the lord.  You’d think severe thunderstorms would be enough to keep the church goers indoors but apparently they weren’t as sensibly minded as they were dressed.

            My mom just stared at them for a moment before she unleashed a very loud piece of southern mother wisdom.

        
            For those of you who have never been yelled at by a woman with a thick, southern accent try to imagine being yelled at by your mom but multiplied by a thousand.  For some reason southern accents seem to have the “Yes, ma’am, I’m sorry, ma’am, it won’t happen again, ma’am” effect.  I’ve seen grown men cower in fear of an angry, southern woman.

            Her words wormed their way into the sensibly dressed men’s heads, most likely because they were both about 18 and imagined being yelled at by their own southern mothers.  Both of them responded with mumbled versions of, “Yes, ma’am, I’m sorry, ma’am, it won’t happen again, ma’am” before turning around and walking towards the road.

            My mom walked over to the large window I was sitting next to so she could watch them leave and just as the sensibly dressed men reached the end of our driveway an enormous bolt of lightening struck the middle of our cul-de-sac about 10 feet away from the umbrella wielding church-folk.  They jumped into the air about ten feet and ran down the road as fast as possible.  My mom was speechless.

            As you can see, the above event is a perfect example of how a coincidence can be perceived in many different ways.  The sensibly dressed men probably ran down that road screaming about how some crazy, bayou witch had cast a lightening spell on them and the only way they survived was because they were preaching the good word whereas my mom and I saw that as the greatest coincidence that ever happened.  Ever.

            Since then, I have never even seen sensibly dressed men in our neighborhood let alone on my porch.  The peace is nice, but I’m still pretty pissed off that my mom stole my future chances of scaring these men with my delinquent tactics.  Then again, it’s not like you can top summoning lightening.

Gum

Click to Enlarge

I drew this on impulse while talking to someone on MSN.  I figured it was funny enough to post here even though it's not really a legitimate post.

Flirting

            A lot of people will tell you that flirting is mostly just for fun. I agree in full, I love it, but I have my own methods of having fun with advances of the flirtatious type. Over the years I have gradually started doing odd and silly things to illicit all kinds of responses from people who have dared to flirt with me.

Naturally, I have tons of stories from these events, but my absolute favorite happened when I was in Florida with my two best friends.

            It was late at night and while Lauren and Rachel wanted to go to the beach, I desperately wanted a virgin pina colada.  We walked all over this island in our bathing suits in pitch darkness trying to find a bar that didn’t already have alcohol mixed in with their pina colada slush.

 

Sadly, we weren’t able to find one.  However, we did come across a gas station that advertized “Refreshing Slushies”.  I was thrilled.

 

Inside we discovered a weird assortment of unfamiliar slushie brands and flavours.  I mean, I had a feeling things would be a little strange since we were in a completely different state, but even the cup sizes were ridiculous.  They had tiny, slightly less tiny, and quite large.  There was no middle ground.

            We decided our best bet was to get a quite large slushie and just share it.  We all agreed that “Peach Punch” was the least threatening of the strange slushie flavours, purchased our slushie and departed the store.

            Sometime later, a white truck containing several drunk men turned onto the street we were walking down and saw three, young women walking around in bathing suits passing a slushie back and forth.  The truck slowed down a bit as they passed us, the man in the passenger seat leaned his head out the window and shouted, “Hey ladies~!”

            

             Rachel and Lauren were in the process of responding with an equally flirtatious, “Hey~!” before I cut them off halfway through by projecting the most unattractive noise I could muster and holding it for about five seconds.  The man with his head out the window exclaimed, “What the fuck?!” and the truck sped up and was out of sight in no time.

            

             The whole event lasted about 15 seconds and I was laughing for a good 10 minutes after that.  Hell, I'm still laughing.

            I love Florida.